and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
