so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
