I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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