i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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