sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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