I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
