he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
