I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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