The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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