i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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