Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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