Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're a waste of cheezeits
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
