I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
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I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.