evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.