you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?