last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.