I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
