I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Panties = found
Randomize
