If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
