Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
