I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
