Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
