I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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