I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
