we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
