i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
