is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
