Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
