can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
