remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
