We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
