I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
