I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
