Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
