I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Randomize
