i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
