then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
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The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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