Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
