i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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