omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
