i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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