Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
