Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
