I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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