I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
