I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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