Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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