In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
