I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need a beard to bite.
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