btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
