I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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