I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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