I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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