Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
