Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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