And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
false alarm, still single
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