i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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