I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Randomize
