Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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