i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
