I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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