I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
