dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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