i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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