i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize