I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
