I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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