no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
