The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
