Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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