the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
