DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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