Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
