I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
