fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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