not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
