come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
