i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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