i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
