so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
