Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
