What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
