I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
