my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
