all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize