Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
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Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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