Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
