if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
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Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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