i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
