I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
