A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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