You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
