It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
