you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
