guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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